


Green-eyed Monster

by Nospringonions



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Domestic Fluff, During Canon, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26971216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nospringonions/pseuds/Nospringonions
Summary: Angst/ Fluff with mentions of blood and death. The story takes place right after Okita's route good end, before his epilogue.The last chapter is coming soon.
Relationships: Okita Souji/Yukimura Chizuru
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

"Ugh...ghh!" Through gritted teeth, Souji tried to swallow down his cries as his body shook uncontrollably in agony. He knew that he was gradually losing the fight against yet another episode of bloodlust that had been steadily taking over his sanity. His knees finally buckled and he dropped heavily to the floor, fingers clawing at his throat where red hot fire burned within, its roaring flames demanding to be doused only with the taste of blood. A strained yelp escaped his lips and he pounded his head onto the hard wooden floor, frustrated at how pathetic he had become now, being reduced to a mere shadow of his old self.

He vaguely heard frantic, familiar footsteps running towards him before Chizuru finally came bursting into view. He heard the distress in her voice and watched as she hastily unsheathed her kodachi then sliced her own palm in one fluid movement that could only result from frequent, repeated practise.

"Sorry..." Souji winced, pulling her proffered hand ravenously towards his lips. He hated that instead of protecting her, he caused her to hurt herself regularly. But as soon as his tongue tasted her blood, most of his senses fled, leaving only the blinding urge to devour her. With relish, he drank her warm, delectable blood that he had been craving more and more frequently.

"Thank you, Chizuru," Souji sighed in between big gulps of her precious blood. His eyes fluttered close as he drank with increasing speed to satisfy his insatiable thirst, even resorting to biting her skin to draw more blood as her cut began healing itself.

Souji knew that he was living on borrowed time, but he had promised to live for her sake, and so, in the days to come, he would do his best to love her better in return for all her sacrifices and single-minded devotion towards him. He drank more intensely, buoyed by the prospect of a better future with her as he drowned himself in the taste of her intoxicating blood and gradually began to lose track of time.

A heavy thud, and the slight jerk of Chizuru's hand, abruptly pulled him back into the present. He realized that he was still biting and lapping up her palm but was no longer drawing any more blood. Feeling much more invigorated than usual, he withdrew his lips from her palm, sighing deeply at how unfair their relationship was, with him constantly taking from her, while she was always the one giving.

"Thank you, Chizu-" Souji opened his eyes, ready to apologise for having greedily taken more than enough from her, but he was immediately shaken to his core upon witnessing the scene that greeted him. He stared with wide, unblinking eyes at Chizuru who was laying motionless on the floor, her eyes closed and face deathly pale. Grim realization punched him right in the gut as he finally registered the weight of her cold, limp hand still resting within his grip, and the gaping cut on her palm that should have closed itself.

"No..." Souji shook his head, eyes locked on her unmoving figure, "that's impossible. I couldn't have drunk all your blood...right, Chizuru?"

His question was met with silence. "Hey, Chizuru?" Souji extended a shaky hand to touch her face and immediately recoiled when his fingertips made contact with her cold skin. But...she looked so gentle and peaceful, it was as if she was only in a deep sleep.

"Wake up! This isn't funny!" He nudged her, an anguished smile playing on his lips as he convinced himself that she would open her eyes anytime now, and then she would giggle sweetly and poke fun at him for falling for her trick. Souji shook her rigid body again, growing more desperate with each passing second, ignoring the prickling sensation at the back of his eyes. He checked for her pulse, found none, and checked again, and again, but all his fingers could register was just how cold she was to his touch.

"What have I done? I'm supposed to protect you..." Souji whispered hoarsely, he had never felt so much fear and emptiness before. His grief fleetingly turned into rage, before quickly evaporating away, leaving him with only the bitter taste of defeat. "It's my fault!" he cried, gathering her stiff figure into his arms, "I'm sorry, Chizuru, you don't deserve this!"

He hugged her tightly, attempting to warm her cold figure and pleading for her breath to return. "Chizuru... Chizuru... Please...wake up!" he chanted her name, clinging to her lifeless body with all his might, and kissing her ice cold lips that would never smile at him again. No matter how many times he called her name, her eyes remained shut. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, Souji searched for her familiar warmth and found none. Tears rained down heavily, it felt like he would just cry himself to death. His chest constricted painfully that he began gasping for air. He choked on his tears and a series of strangled coughs immediately wrecked through his body...

The room suddenly went pitch black and Souji felt himself being plunged into a deep, bottomless darkness. Just when he thought that death had taken him away too, light began to flood into the room, blinding him momentarily. He cracked open his eyes to find himself outside of their house, Chizuru standing a few steps away from him by the gate. The bright glare of the hot afternoon sun casting a shadow on her feature, making it difficult for him to see her face.

"Chizuru? You're alive!" Souji shouted with great relief. He sprinted joyfully towards her, but his legs froze before he could reach her. He saw the unfathomable expression on her face, making her looked like a stranger.

"Chizuru?" He called out tentatively. His voice almost inaudible compared to the loud beating of his heart as he tried to suppress the feeling of unease spreading in the pit of his stomach.

In response, Chizuru merely shook her head, a mixture of sorrow and regret clouding her face, while tears started pouring down her face. "I'm sorry, Souji-san. I'm truly sorry," she whispered in between sobs, "I can't be with you anymore, it's too hard, too painful..."

"Wh-what?" Souji muttered nervously, feeling his blood ran cold.

"Maybe I didn't love you enough. I don't know since when the love I felt for you had turned into pity. Or maybe you've been right from the start, as a doctor's daughter I just couldn't leave a patient alone," she delivered her words like a death sentence.

Souji staggered backwards, feeling the ground beneath his feet crumbling away. The air around him seemed to have disappeared, it was becoming very hard to breathe, especially when his deepest fear was quickly turning into a reality.

"Why are you saying all this now?" Souji stared at her, wishing that she was only playing a cruel joke on him.

"I'm truly grateful for all that you've done for me, Souji-san. Because of that, I can't lie to you anymore, and I can't cheat my own feelings-"

"Stop! Don't say anymore!" Souji cried out in a strangled voice, her cruel confession had mercilessly burned a hole in his heart. Chizuru's voice sounded like a stranger's. Why was she saying such heartless words? What happened to the girl who was always loving and accepting towards him? "Please, don't go, Chizuru. Don't leave me, I can't bear it..."

"Forgive me, Souji-san. Thank you for everything and please take care of yourself. Goodbye," she bowed deeply, conveying her apology and gratitude before walking away from him with determined steps.

He wanted so much to chase after her and begged her to stay, but her betrayal cut deep into his soul, paralyzing him, and he could only watch her retreating figure with resignation. In the end, everyone he loved always left him, discard him. He would always be alone. Always unwanted and unloved. Why?

Souji forced his eyes tightly shut, blocking out the view of Chizuru leaving without sparing even a single glance in his direction. A lone tear slid down his cheek and his mouth curled up into a bitter smile, silently mocking himself. He felt so utterly broken, like his body did not belong to him anymore and that everything was unfolding through someone else's perspective.

Red eyes glared open and Souji watched passively as pale fingers ran through a head full of white hair, and numb legs forcefully began to give chase. Was it really important if Chizuru truly loved him or only pitied him? No. He could never let her go. His heart belonged to her, and so, hers was his.

"Chizuru, wait!" Souji vaguely heard himself shouted. The wind roared in his ears as his hand reached for the sword that he had only just realized he was holding. What was he doing? He felt his fingers twitched carrying the weight of the sword. And as soon as the blade left its sheath, it was buried deep in her chest.

He heard the deafening sound of his screams mixed with wild laughter. Was he screaming at himself or someone else with the same red eyes and white hair? He couldn't get a proper grasp because his world started spinning, spiralling out of control, turning everything into a blur. Just when he thought that it would never end, it came to an abrupt halt. As his focus gradually returned, the first thing that his eyes registered was the bright red staining the freshly washed laundry blowing gently in the wind. He was now standing at the backyard, greeted by the metallic stench of blood. Souji felt a soft touch at his foot, and as he turned his attention downward, he almost fainted from the shock of seeing a bloodied Chizuru with a sword sticking out of her chest, an empty laundry basket rolling next to her.

"I..." He caught sight of his bloodied hands. "What have I done? I thought you were leaving me..." His confusion evolving into grief, then rage, "you should have left me! How many more times must you end up dead by my hands?"

"It's alright... I know you didn't mean it," Chizuru reassured weakly, her breath coming out in short, painful gasps as she choked on her own blood. Still, she wanted to console him with the little time and strength she had left. "I will always forgive you, Souji-san. Always..." she smiled peacefully at him before finally drawing her last breath.

\---

"Chizuru!" Souji shot up from his futon, screaming out her name in anguish, his whole body shaking in distress and soaked with cold sweat.

"Nnhh..." Chizuru stirred awake next to him. She jumped from under the blanket, rubbing her sleepy eyes. "What happened? Are you alright, Souji-san?" She asked, lightly running her hand along his arm soothingly.

Souji looked at her concerned face. He had seen the same pair of gentle eyes in his nightmare earlier, their peaceful gaze was still full of love even as life was draining out of them. He looked away guiltily and turned his attention to his numb hands that were still gripping the blanket tightly, his knuckles had all turned white. He spread his palms open in front of his face and examined them intently, knowing how heavily drenched in blood they were. If his dreams were a premonition, then Chizuru's blood would be next to bathe those hands.

Following Kodo's last advice, the both of them had started to drink the pure water from the Yukimura Village to mitigate the poisonous effect of the water of life. But while Chizuru's condition had improved, his body seemed to be rejecting the panacea. He needed more blood more frequently before the crippling bloodlust would start to subside. His bloody cravings had translated to nightmares where he one way or another always ended up killing Chizuru for it. And that scared him. Was it a sign that he was finally succumbing to the madness?

His meandering thoughts were gently guided back as he felt Chizuru's warm hand running up and down his back, a comforting touch to affirm that she was there with him and he was safe with her. He understood that she was waiting for him to say something.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it. Go back to sleep, Chizuru," Souji tried to convince her, unwilling to share the horrors he had just experienced in his dream. How could he even begin to tell her that he had just killed her multiple times in his dream? He did not want to scare her.

Making a show of lying back down, he pulled the blanket all the way up to cover his face, and rolled away when he felt Chizuru reaching out to hold his hand. "I'm fine. Good night," he mumbled, feeling bad for rejecting her, remembering their agreement to go to sleep holding hands when one of them had a nightmare.

"Good night, Souji-san," Chizuru softly said, moving her leg under his blanket so their feet were connected. It was her little way of telling him that she was always there for him, and he was not alone. When he stayed still, Chizuru exhaled, releasing the breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding, relieved that he did not reject her touch. She stared at his back, knowing all the strains he must have been suffering.

She hugged him, then resting her cheek against his protruding shoulder blade, her hand rubbed his tensed back in gentle, comforting movements. She bit her lips to keep her tears at bay and pressed herself closer to his thinning frame, willing all her energy and healing ability to somehow be transferred into him.

The uncertainty of their future scared her. She had high hopes when the spring water gradually cured her water of life poisoning and she continued to cling to that hope even when Souji hadn't shown any sign of recovery, attributing her quicker pace due to her being a demon. She kept telling herself to be patient, that the pure water needed more time before it would show its effect, but as more days passed, his condition only seemed to have gotten worse, and along with his existing illness, all hope for recovery seemed to be getting dimmer.

A world without him terrified her. She didn't know how much time he had left, but she would do anything and everything to extend that precious time, even if it was just for a little bit longer.


	2. Chapter 2

A persistent pounding inside his head woke Souji up. He squeezed his eyes tighter and thumped one hand on his throbbing forehead, while the other moved to the space beside him, feeling Chizuru's empty futon that was already cool to the touch. The memory of last night's nightmare flashed in his mind before it quickly disappeared as his ears picked up the faint familiar noise outside the room, indicating that Chizuru was at home, busy tackling the household chores.

It had not been long since they both settled down in Yukimura Village, hidden deep in the mountains and away from civilization. Even though their new life together had only just begun, they were already facing a number of challenges. Other than just his deteriorating health that weighed heavily on their minds, the old Yukimura house that had been burnt down in the past was in need of a lot of repair works and cleaning to make it habitable again.

Intending to help Chizuru with her work, Souji carefully pushed himself up, feeling the familiar tightness in his chest. His movement felt heavy as he tried to methodically regulate his breathing. He was still a fury, so being awake during daytime made him feel lethargic, but he tried to overcome it because he was determined to lead an ordinary human life with Chizuru. He was dressing himself up when he heard a loud crash followed by Chizuru's yelp coming from outside. He immediately dashed out of the room, his body feeling a small burst of energy when it had felt sluggish just a moment ago.

Following the source of the earlier commotion, Souji ran to the backyard where he saw the long ladder lying on the ground with tools scattered around it. He looked around for Chizuru and saw her crouching on top of the roof in an odd position, one of her foot stuck inside a hole.

"Chizuru!" He called out, watching the panic in her face morphed into relief upon seeing his arrival there.

"Souji-san! The ladder fell off, and this part of the roof suddenly gave way..." she tugged at her leg, anxiously trying to free it.

"I'll come and get you!" Souji rushed to pick up the fallen ladder, "wait there and don't mov-"

"Aaah!" Chizuru shrieked. Her leg suddenly came free with one hard, final tug, but the effect knocked her off balance and sent her rolling down the roof.

Souji's heart leapt into his throat upon seeing her falling figure. He kicked the ground hard and sprinted forward intending to catch her, or at the very least break her fall. His aim didn't miss, and Chizuru fell right into his outstretched arms, but in his weakened state, the impact of her fall sent both of them tumbling to the ground.

"Ouch! Are you alright?" They asked at the same time. Chizuru hurriedly pushed herself off Souji, worried that she might have injured him as he cushioned her fall, but he pulled her firmly back towards him.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Souji was on edge, his terrified eyes scanning her from top to bottom for any visible wound. After ascertaining that she wasn't injured at all, he began to chide her, "what were you doing up there? Have you ever repaired a leaking roof before? I thought I already said that I would do it!" The headache that seemed to have disappeared just a moment ago, now returned with a vengeance, and the glaring sunlight only made his head throbbed even more.

"First things first, how are you feeling?" Chizuru urgently pressed a palm on his forehead and after detected no fever, she heaved a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry, I wanted you to have more rest after last night's fitful sleep. And I figured the roof wasn't really that high..." Her explanation trailed off under his reproachful glare.

Staring at Chizuru's tired face and noting the dark shadows under her eyes, Souji could only sigh deeply. He knew how exhausted she was since the bulk of the work had fallen on her delicate shoulders. She worked hard during the day, making their home more habitable, preparing all the food and clothings, and at night she would still force herself to stay awake as late as possible to accompany him, chat with him, and making sure that he didn't feel alone. Not wanting her to lose precious rest, Souji adjusted his fury self to suit her needs. But even so, she would still have disturbed sleep at night as she remained alert in anticipation of a bloodlust episode or coughing fit that would attack him suddenly.

His expression softened, thinking of how she always wanted to help him in every way she could. "I wish you would rely more on me, Chizuru. I'm not totally useless yet, you know," his tone was joking, but his smile did not reach his eyes. It upset him to see her tire herself endlessly because of him.

"I'm sorry... I thought that I'd try to do it myself because the rainy season is fast approaching," she replied, then added in a quiet but firm tone, "please... just focus on getting well, I don't want you to overexert yourself. It's not a home if you're not here with me, Souji-san."

He saw his own reflection inside her eyes that were always looking at him with deep love and concern. He listened to her honest and sincere words, feeling a stirring sensation in his heart that rendered him speechless. Funny how it used to be him who would always fluster her with his words. He should have realized it sooner that she now held the same power over him too.

"I know you're worried about me," he gazed into her eyes and brushed her fingers on his cheek, feeling her cracked fingertips from the hours of sewing warm clothings for him in preparation of the coming colder months, "but I don't want it to be at the expense of your own health. I need you with me, Chizuru, anywhere with you is home to me."

Souji adjusted the weight of her body resting on top of him as his eyes took in her beautiful features, committing every single detail deep into his memory, not knowing when their time together would unexpectedly come to an end. Chizuru was blooming into a beautiful woman, and he was made even more aware of this fact now that she no longer had to dress up in men's clothings. His hand wandered to her side, grasping her waist that felt a little too thin for his liking, while he ran his other hand through her long hair that fell gracefully over her shoulders, perfectly framing her lovely face. His fingers threaded into the soft strands as he brought her face closer to his, and he stared hungrily at her soft lips, wondering if they tasted even sweeter now than the last time they kissed. He watched her eyes fluttered close in anticipation as he inched closer to her, wanting, needing to savour those lips now...

The loud rumbling noise coming from his stomach abruptly interrupted the fond atmosphere and he could only blink sheepishly at her. Chizuru giggled with delight at the rare prospect of him wanting food, given how bad his appetite and taste buds had become lately. She planted a giddy kiss on his lips, and pulled him up along with her, wrapping her arms around his too thin waist as she steered him towards the house.

"Where's your food, Chizuru?" Souji asked, letting himself be guided to sit by the table with only one portion of meal on it.

"Oh, I've already eaten mine earlier," she replied, thinking about the small onigiri she made from the leftover rice. She knew that after the repair works of the house were done and she finally had more time, she would have to start doing something to earn some money for their living expenses. Their funds were running low, so she had to prioritize helping Souji regain his health and strength. Using the little money they had, she bought medicines for him and made him healthy meals, and on top of drinking the pure water, she also let him consume her own blood whenever he needed it. But it pained her that despite her best effort, his condition still didn't improve.

"Ah, Souji-san, I saved you an extra egg. Please eat it, it's good for your health," Chizuru pointed at the extra dish, hoping that Souji would be able to hold his food down today. "I'll be going to the market while you have your meal, and when I'm back, shall we continue to repair the roof together?"

"Is it a gift from that person? And you're going to see him again now?" Souji scoffed, his mood suddenly turning darker upon seeing the seemingly innocent egg.

Chizuru stopped in her track, startled by the hostility in his voice. She studied his surly face and carefully worded her response, "um...yes, but he was just being nice and-"

"Then you can have it!" Souji huffed, pushing the offending dish away. He had been observing that Chizuru often returned from the market at the neighbouring village with a few free things. While he felt grateful as most of them were given out of goodwill, there was one that displeased him because it was very obvious that the chicken seller had designs on her. On top of getting huge price reduction, she would always receive free things, at times even when she did not purchase anything from his stall. Extra eggs, free chicken bones to make broth, bigger and fresher cuts of the meat just to name a few.

"No, it's good for your health, you should eat it," Chizuru frowned, feeling a bit hurt by his little outburst. It wasn't like she purposely went out of her way to solicit for free items. She would always offer to pay for them, and even rejected them politely if the gift was too generous. But on the practical side, she knew that the free things did help with their limited budget.

"But I can't stomach it, it's another man's gift for you," Souji insisted with quiet annoyance and looked away, feeling a little guilty at the hurt he saw in her face. He knew it was hardly her fault, but...

Realizing that he was being jealous, Chizuru's frown turned into a soft smile. "Please don't read too much into it, I'm sure he was just being nice to his customer," she squeezed his hand and continued sweetly, "you know that you're the most important person to me, Souji-san."

"But you told them that I was just your brother!" Souji replied sulkily, pulling his hand away and looking at her rather accusingly.

"I'm sorry! They caught me off guard with their questions, so I quickly said that I'm living with my brother because I got scared that someone might find and recognize you. And... Um, we aren't exactly married..." Chizuru blushed, her words trailing off as she looked down shyly at her lap and stole glances at him.

Souji's heart raced in response, of course he wanted her to be his wife! But how could he make her that promise given his current condition? Either his illness would kill him first, or the poisonous effect of the water of life would. She only knew that he had been consuming more of her blood, but she didn't have the full picture that his cravings had become so much more unbearable and painful. It was as if the water of life in his blood was protesting, waging war against the healing properties of the pure water from Yukimura Village, and punishing him with torturous bloodlust episodes. He realized it would only be so easy for him to succumb to madness given his murderous past when he killed many with neither mercy, nor remorse. He truly didn't know what kind of bleak, short-lived future he could give her. He glared at his hands, remembering his vivid nightmares where she always ended up dead by them. He could never forgive himself if he ever hurt her. The deeper he loved her, the more he wanted to protect her, even from himself.

"Chizuru, I..." He sucked in a deep breath, before promptly swallowing back the words that he was sure he would regret if they left his mouth.

"Souji-san," she took his hands in hers, softly squeezed them and brought them to her cheeks. "I love your hands. The protection that they always extend to me is the reason why I'm still alive," Chizuru gazed into his eyes, her voice overflowing with affection. "They're always gentle when you caress my hair, they're warm and made me feel safe when you hold me, and they're fun and playful when you tease me," she smiled at their memories, and gripped his hands a little tighter, "I know that I'll be fine, that things will be alright as long as your hands continue to hold mine."

"Thank you, Chizuru..." Souji whispered, his voice thick with emotion as he pulled her into his arms. He felt the warmth of her words spreading inside him, igniting a new resolve. His hands were once used to kill and destroy lives, but from now onwards, he wanted to use them only to protect her and to build their home. She meant everything to him and he would do whatever it takes so that he never have to let go of her hands.

**Author's Note:**

> The story takes place right after Okita's route good end, but before his epilogue. It consists of 3 chapters.


End file.
